ASK NANA

Dear Nana,

I have an urgent question for you as Halloween is upon us. Should we let our 4-year-old go Trick-or-Treating and then take away their candy? My wife says yes and I say no. We don’t typically let our children eat candy and other sugary sweets – maybe the occasional cupcake – and I am generally supportive of healthy eating choices. But I feel like Halloween is the exception to the rule. Plus, how do we explain where the candy went or why they can’t eat it? Taking it away just feels mean. I have such fond memories of sorting my candy and picking out my favorites. I want this for my kids too. We’ve been arguing about this all weekend – whose right here?!

- Sign me “The Candy Protector!”

Dear Candy Protector,

I hear how passionate you feel but can I gently suggest that this might be more about replicating your happy Halloween memories than the candy itself? We all want our children to experience and enjoy the things we loved growing up -- passing along traditions can be one of the great joys of parenting. But making new traditions can be fun too and that often needs to happen in situations like this.

I know you don’t want to hear this but there is no one right way to handle Halloween candy. The key is to set expectations ahead of time and follow through. Otherwise, the candy becomes an ongoing battle ground especially with young children. Four is a tough age because most of them know all about candy, and they want to eat it all RIGHT NOW. And even if they agree to “just one per day” they still WANT it – setting up whining, tears, and tantrums. At 4, the capacity to wait and be reasonable is growing but limited and the capacity for self-control diminishes quickly when they are tired, excited, overwhelmed, etc.

“The key is to set expectations ahead of time and follow through. Otherwise, the candy becomes and ongoing battle.”

So what to do? If you are not going to allow your children any candy at all, I would suggest doing your Trick-or-Treating at a community event where there will likely be more “non-candy” items and the candy items could be more easily skipped. If you can agree that eating a small amount of candy is OK, traditional neighborhood Trick-or-Treating offers a fun way to visit with friends and neighbors. Keep it short – the less houses you go to, the less candy you are dealing with. Once home, inspect the candy out of sight of your children – which could give you the opportunity to quietly reduce the amount available. Some families have created the “magic bowl” where candy disappears overnight and is replaced with stickers, a small toy, etc. (taken by Brownies, Fairies, whatever works for you.) You could allow your children to pick and keep a few of their favorite pieces and put the rest in the bowl. Other families have made a tradition of trading the candy for money (lots of local dentists offer a buy back program) and then allowing their children to buy something special with their Halloween money. I think any of these options are great as they replace the candy quickly without it just being taken away.

Good luck and have fun. This is just the start of many opportunities for creative compromise as your children grow.

Happy Halloween!

— Nana

Ask Nana is published with permission. ©2022, M. Rogers, All right reserved

Worried about your child’s development? Visit the CDC’s Learn the Signs, Act Early to learn about important developmental milestones your child should be reaching at their age. You can also download their free Milestone Tracker App, as well as find out how and where to get help if you have any concerns. Remember, you do NOT need a referral from a doctor to receive help!